i can't decide whether i'm crazy, or just really tired.

probably the former, since i made a 'to kill' list in english the other day. i wasn't going to publish it, but i'm too tired to care.

1. girl who bullied me in primary school. i'm gonna strap her in a chair and forcefeed her until she chokes on her own vomit.
2. enigma boy. he's getting grated from the feet upwards, with a giant cheesegrater. or maybe a sander would be more realistic?
3. difficult boy. i'm going to lock him in a room with a large window, into which i can look in and hold up a bunch of keys, dancing like a spaz and going "haha, you can't get out." it'll be interesting to see how long it takes for him to die of dehydration and what how he occupies his time. i might film it.
4. nameless person. this requires a lot of thought; i need more time. 

i am definately not strange.
three
cups
of
strong
black
coffee
later
the coffee doesn't seem to be working, i just feel slightly sick. i'd go to bed, but i have some stuff i need to get off  my chest. why don't you stand up, be a man about it, fight with your bare hands about it, now. i never thought i'd be writing paramore lyrics in here. i never wanted to say this; you never wanted to stay. i put my faith in you, so much faith and then you, just threw it away. i'm not being melodramatic here when i tell you not to trust people. you can pretend to; tell them irrelevant stuff, secrets that don't mean anything. peel that mask back, but don't take it off. because you may be funny, you may be nice, you may be a good listener, but you're not perfect. once you get comfortable enough with somebody to show your imperfections, they will run to the hills.
          i wish i was as nice as i used to be; i've become really prickly lately. i say really uneccessary, bitchy things that i would have been ashamed of before. i can't decide whether i'm becoming jaded and cynical, or just growing up. it must be tough at the top - the middle's bad enough. i'd quite like to sink right down to the bottom, but i wouldn't be happy there, either. the grass really is always greener on the other side.
          if anyone can make sense of my metaphors, i'll be impressed (;

has anybody noticed that although my grammer is perfect, i don't use capital letters?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?
GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT OF MY HEAD.
please, just get out of my head.

this is going to be a long blog.

i'd love to try and write down what is going on in my head, but i don't have the literacy skills. oh well. i shall draw it:

it's beautiful.